Darin Hollingsworth is a fundraiser, executive coach, and strategic advisor based in Jackson, Tennessee, where he lives with his mother and his beloved 16-year-old dog, Herbie. With a career spanning healthcare, the arts, higher education, and national nonprofits, Darin specializes in relationship-based fundraising and helping organizations move from surviving to thriving.
This is NOT dating advice—though building meaningful professional relationships shares some universal truths.
The Heart of the Matter
Think about the best professional relationships you’ve experienced. Perhaps a mentor who believed in you, a colleague who challenged your thinking, or a donor who became a true partner in your mission. What made those connections special? Was it the chemistry between personalities? A shared vision that energized both of you? Exceptional service? Open communication? Mutual respect?
The most enduring professional relationships share a common foundation: mutual benefit. They’re built on a win-win philosophy where both people are givers and receivers. These meaningful connections develop over time, not through transactions, but through genuine care and consistent engagement.
Beyond the Buzzwords
The fundraising field is full of technical language—”moves management,” “prospect discovery,” “cultivation,” “solicitation,” “stewardship,” “donor portfolios,” and “CRM systems.” Larger organizations may have entire “donor relations” departments. These frameworks and tools have their place, providing structure and strategy to relationship development.
But here’s the litmus test: Would you actually use these terms when speaking with someone you’re building a relationship with? Would you tell a potential donor, “I’m moving you through my cultivation strategy”? Of course not.
The disconnect between fundraising jargon and authentic relationship-building reveals an important truth: words matter. The way you think about your work shapes how you approach it. When your internal vocabulary must be “translated” for real conversations, something is off.
Your Role as a Relationship Builder
Whether you’re a nonprofit professional or board member, you have a responsibility to build relationships on behalf of your organization. Everyone needs to be a relationship builder and storyteller—though not everyone needs to be a fundraiser.
A true fundraiser does something specific: they passionately, purposefully, and with great satisfaction build relationships that help secure the organization’s financial future. This is specialized work that requires particular skills and intentions.
What Makes Great Relationships Great?
Return to those questions from earlier: What ingredients create exceptional professional relationships?
- Personalities that connect authentically
- Shared vision that inspires both parties
- Service that demonstrates value
- Communication that’s open and honest
- Respect that flows both ways
- Passion for the mission that’s contagious
Add to this foundation these essential relationship intentions:
- Hospitality that welcomes people in
- Appreciation that’s expressed genuinely
- Consistency that builds trust over time
- Authenticity that allows vulnerability
- Collaboration that creates partnership
A Different Approach
Stay relationship-focused, not “moves”-focused. Don’t execute “moves management”—do meaningful work that demonstrates you care and want to deepen the connection. Each interaction should reflect genuine interest in the person, not simply advance them through a predetermined pipeline.
Use language that doesn’t require translation. Speak to your relationships the way you’d want someone to speak to you. Be direct, be human, be real.
The Power of Story
Tell stories. Not fundraising pitches—stories. Share narratives that illustrate your mission’s impact, that reveal the challenges you face, that celebrate the victories you’ve achieved together.
Tell stories that naturally invite people to ask, “How can I help?” And when they do ask—and they will—be ready with meaningful ways they can engage.
5 Actions to Build Relationships That Lead to Giving
- Listen More Than You Talk Schedule coffee meetings or phone calls with no agenda other than getting to know someone better. Ask about their passions, their family, their career journey, and their values. Take notes afterward about what matters to them. The goal isn’t to pitch—it’s to understand. People give to causes that align with their deepest values, and you can only discover those values by listening.
- Create Insider Experiences Invite potential donors behind the scenes of your organization. Offer private tours, introduce them to program participants or staff doing the direct work, or invite them to observe a day in the life of your mission. These experiences create emotional connections that statistics and annual reports never will. Make them feel like valued insiders, not outsiders you’re trying to impress.
- Share Updates Before You Need Anything Build a habit of touching base when you’re not asking for anything. Send an article that relates to their interests, share a quick success story from your program, or simply check in to see how they’re doing. Aim for at least 3-5 meaningful touchpoints that aren’t solicitations for every one that is. This establishes that the relationship matters beyond the transaction.
- Connect Their Story to Your Mission During conversations, help people see how their life experiences, professional expertise, or personal values connect to your organization’s work. If someone mentions they struggled with food insecurity as a child and you run a food bank, acknowledge that connection. If they talk about their love of teaching and you provide educational programs, draw that line. Help them see themselves in your mission’s story.
- Ask for Their Advice, Not Just Their Money Before ever making a financial ask, invite them to contribute their expertise, perspective, or connections. “Could I get your thoughts on this program challenge we’re facing?” or “Would you be willing to introduce me to someone in your network who cares about this issue?” This positions them as a valued advisor and partner, not just a funding source. When they’ve invested their time and wisdom, financial investment often follows naturally.
Stay tuned for more in this series:
- Be ready when THEY ask
- Gifts from vs. gifts with
- Giving Advisor vs. “Development Officer”